I have often thought that if I could know the reason for this trial that it would be a lot easier. Maybe my girls need extra time with their mom. Maybe they need extra time with each other. I could wonder about maybes all day. It would be a lot easier to be patient if I knew a concrete reason. Then it would all make sense and I could wait.
Alas, that is not going to happen. And for good reason. Without an answer I am forced to live by faith. And even better, to strive for greater faith. Otherwise, it just feels mean and senseless. It is through turmoil and struggle that we have the greatest potential for spiritual growth. I would never have believed that if I hadn't experienced myself. But I know that my faith and reliance on the Lord has increased mightily because of the last three and a half years.
I learned in my institute class recently that the Beatitudes build upon each other. They are not singular but come as a package. This was amazing to me. It is beautiful and more meaningful to me when read this way and I wanted to share it with you.
Matthew 5:3-9
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Do you see it? Do you see the pattern of trials in your life? Do you see how when you are brought low that you then must turn to Him? Do you see that this is His way of refining us? It stinks sometimes. But I know the Lord desires to teach me something through this storm. And knowing the "why" would dissolve the teaching moment. I still wonder and probably always will, but I'm grateful for the Lord's wisdom in allowing me to grow.
Friday, November 7, 2008
If Only
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5 comments:
Thank you for sharing Jessica. You are a beautiful example to me.
Jessica,
I guess I really hadn't read your blog for awhile because I didn't realize what you have been going through. I can kind of understand because Marc and I have been trying since we got married (over 4 yrs ago) to have a child. This is not a trial I would wish upon anyone but I have grown in so many ways. I can't imagine being pregnant and then losing the child. I know we haven't spent much time together but if you ever need to talk, please call. (480) 323-0373
i was thinking- i haven't seen Jessica in awhile. so i got caught up. I'm SORRY. You sound like you are really being strong, as hard as it is. i'm getting crazy in yoga so if you want to take your mind of everything- come laugh at me.
You've shared some great insight over the last few weeks. If nothing else, like you've said, this experience has sent you searching..and to your knees.
Please know that you are in my thoughts often. I tried to call you the other day...did you get my message? I'd love to chat sometime, call me sometime when you're cleaning your kitchen or something!
Jessica,
I was never big on blogging until I stumbled upon yours and Brittany's blogs. You inspired me to start my own, and have it be more than just pictures and events, but feelings and deep emotions, thoughts and spiritual insight. I wish I could tell you how you have inspired me, and how much your entries lift and strengthen me. I know that our Heavenly Father is watching over us, and is there to carry us when we don't think we can walk any further. I am sorry for what you have had to go through, although I feel blessed to know you at this time in your life, as I watch you grow stronger from the trials that are placed before you. Thank you for being who you are, and sharing who you are with so many others...You have no idea how many you are reaching.
After reading an entry you wrote, I made my first entry in my blog, which inspired my sister to make an incredibly touching entry in her's. I thought of you as I read. Although her hurts are not the same as yours, she has chosen, as you have, to take the higher road, and become a stronger person because of her struggles. We are here for eachother, right? We can draw strength from others' testimonies, even if we don't know them personally. If you'd like, go to her blog, at www.porterbunch.blogspot.com. Find her entry that's titled "A Little More Personal"
Thanks for being who you are. I feel so blessed to know you -
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