Today is my due date for my previous pregnancy. I have been dreading this day for a long time. In fact, before I found out I was pregnant this time around I was planning a vacation with my family for this weekend because I hoped it would take my mind off what I was missing. While the sadness is much less than I had anticipated thanks to my current pregnancy I still find myself wishing I were snuggling a new baby. So to make myself feel better I have installed a baby countdown widget on my sidebar. I know there is something creepy/cheesy about a floating baby ticker but I couldn't resist. I have seen countless numbers of floating babies on others' blogs for the past three years and they have always been a reminder of what I didn't have. Well, now it can be a reminder of our great miracle.
In other news I am no longer the Primary President in my ward. I was released last week so this is the first week I've been to Relief Society in 3 1/2 years. It was very strange. I was reading the ward newsletter this morning and it included an excerpt from Elder Bednar's talk about tender mercies. I realized what a tender mercy my calling in the Primary has been for me. I've just experienced the most trying three years of my life and was blessed to serve in the Primary during that time. The Primary is my happy place. I walk in the door and all the disappointment, hurt, and grief fade away. It's impossible to be surrounded by that many happy children and not be happy yourself. In addition, I had the opportunity several times each month to bear simple testimony of the principles of the Gospel, which was always a reminder of my multitude of blessings and strengthened my faith each time. My time in the Primary reminded me that the Lord is always watchful and constantly provides for us those things that are most needful. Apparently Primary is not what I need anymore. It's a sad day for me because I would stay there forever if I could.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
A Day For Reflection
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5 comments:
You are truly missed, I wish we could have kept you and your amazing love for those kids forever. What a bittersweet day... you have all my praise.
HWMNBST will miss you I am sure.
You and your presidency did a great job and it was a privilege to work with such an amazing group of women in the Primary. I still miss it every day.
Jessica I have enjoyed being in primary with you and feeling of your testimony and strength. You have a way of teaching that made me want to be better. I know the loss of your last baby was hard but you are truly blessed with one who is there to help you pull through. I too was pregnant with Craig on the due date of my miscarriage and it too was a mixed blessing. This baby is meant to be!!!
It seems weird that your original due date is a hard day, but February 13, 2003 will always stick in my mind too.
It never goes away, but it does get easier.
I know you will be missed. You were WONDERFUL! I know you will be missed. We missed you as their PP when we moved!
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